There's 12 schools in the SEC, and that's about 8 more schools than I really care to write about. Not all 12 schools are interesting. In fact, several of them have new coaches which only serves to make it difficult for me to write anything about them.
Auburn Why Auburn would think they could replace Tommy Tuberville easily is a question that still has many Auburn fans guessing. Tubbs won 68% of his games as the Head Coach at Auburn, 3 seasons removed from an undefeated season (and getting shafted at a shot at the National Championship Gmae), won 6 straight against his rival ('Bama). He was fired for one bad season and replaced with the Greatest Head Coach EVER! ... oh wait, no. It's Gene Chizick, who went 5-7 last year with Iowa State. Nice move Auburn, really. 'Bama is still pointing and laughing at you.
Tennessee Tennessee fired long time head coach Phil Fulmer after 13 years as the Head Voluenteer. They've replaced him with young up-start Lane Kiffin.
I don't know anything about Lane Kiffin other than the fact that he is now a member of the Former Raider Head Coach club. This is a quickly expanding list, and by all means does not reflect on his ability or inability to coach a football team. So, instead of badgering on about Lane Kiffen, here is a picture of his disproportionately hot wife.
Arkansas
This has nothing to do with Arkansas football... or does it?
Kentucky
Drawin' blood makes gettin' drunk off brown liquor easier!
Rich Brook, aside from his propensity to use the word "bullshit" in ever more creative ways than I could, has accomplished little as the coach of the Kentucky Wildcats. After feeling the hammer of the NCAA through the 2006 season, Brooks has coached the Wildcats to three consecutive bowl games, but has yet to leave a mark in the SEC accumulating a blandish average of 3-4 wins in the SEC per season.
Brooks is in effect a "zombie" coach, since as of last season the heavenly-named Joker Philips will become the head coach of Kentucky when Brooks steps down, which will most likely happen just as soon as he finishes his bourbon stash.
Alabama You do not talk shit about Alabama football or Nick Saban. Especially on the internet. Nick Saban will send a SWAT team to your house, have them sedate you by covering your face in ether and have your limp carcass thrown into a van. When you wake up, you will not know where you are, but it will be dark, and there will be but one light shining directly in your face. This is fact. This is also how Nick Saban recruits.
I just say, "Roll Tide" - nothing to see here. Nope. Just keep moving.
As is easily observed in the previous three installments of the Better Know a Footballah Series, I focus mainly on the coaches. College football, and more specifically the NCAA has specific rules governing how long players are eligible to play football for any given team. Typically this is 4 years, unless you are Cincinnati QB Ben Mauk who is working on suing the NCAA for his 18th year of eligibility. Really, Ben? You want to be mired in mediocrity for 18 years and not get paid a penny for it. I hope he's working on a PhD while he's there.
Focusing on coaches in College football makes sense. They are one of the few constants in college football, although even that can be disputed. This trend continues with one of my personal favorite head coaches in the SEC - none other than Houston Nutt. If there was an analogy for the style of coaching Houston Nutt employs, one would employ a plot summary from Dukes of Hazzard.
Press play below, and read with this playing in the background. Take it away Mr Wayland Jennings...
The cast of characters
Not Pictured: Houston Nutt
The lives of the Duke Boys would be nothing without their corrupt Hazzard County Commissioner, Jefferson Davis "Boss" Hogg. Hogg is known for his schemes to get them Duke Boys to forfeit their land so that he can become the all powerful ruler in the Land of Dumb.
Comparing Boss Hogg to Houston Nutt is none too difficult. Ole Miss this year recruited one of the best classes they have seen in decades.
The Insanity hides behind these eyes.
This was accomplished by taking verbal commits to 38 players. The mathematics behind this become even more impressive when you consider that Ole Miss had but 22 scholarships to dole out to the incoming masses. It remains to be seen how Boss Hogg.... er, Houston Nutt will accomplish such a feat, but never fear faithful viewer, this plot will be resolved using gully jumping cars.
Much of Nutt's noterity (see, even his last name implies a form of mental instability that is only found at Arkham Asylum) came during his stint as head coach at Arkensas where he was afforded the luxury of coaching Darren McFadden - arguably the greatest running back in the 2007 season. Nutt's offensive strategy was brilliant in it's simplicity - "run left, run right, run middle." When the strategy of "run" wasn't working, McFadden could also throw the football (having played under center much of his high school career) and threw for 2 TDs in the 2007 season. Further, McFadden could line up as a running back and motion out as a wide receiver (since he played that in HS, also) just to keep defenses on their toes. It's plain to see that much of the strategy was "get the ball to the guy with talent." A strategy that will get you far in the NCAA.
Upon his arrival to Ole Miss, Nutt turned a sinking ship around, and performed admirably in the SEC this year - handing future national champion Florida it's only loss of the season by simply out crazying Urban Meyer's squad. This lead to a Cotton Bowl berth against the Texas Tech Red Raider, and Coach Rainman. This matchup of Coach "Bat Shit Insane" versus the poster boy for autism in coaching was one of the most exciting matchups (to me) on paper of the year. Ole Miss was an 8 pt underdog, and ended up clamping down the nation's top offense - "holding" them to a "paltry" 34 pts. 34 pts is gaudy, if you're in the Big 10, where 10 pts is considered an offensive explosion, but Texas Tech came into the game averaging 36 pts / game with 6 games having 49 or more pts.
I CAN HAZ FOOTBALL PLAYERZ?
This season, Ole Miss is the bandwagon team that everyone is riding. With an incoming class that tops the nation, having a marginally successful SEC season, and coming of a major bowl upset, multiple sources have put Ole Miss as the Heir Apparent to the SEC crown. Me - I'm not buying it. I've read too many comic books in my life to know that "Crazy as a Sack of Rabid Weasles" does not equal "Greatness." And in God's Conference (The SEC) - you have to have greatness to succeed.
YOOOOUUUUUU! Go On and Crank Dat Soilda Boy.
As an added bonus, ESPN wired up Coach Giggity during some of the Cotton Bowl practices. After watching this video, I firmly believe that Houston Nutt wakes up each and every morning in his Yosemitie Sam pajama bottoms to the sound of a freight train air horn. He then splashes a pot of boiling hot coffee in his face to get the endorphins moving, and squat thrusts a '68 Chrysler Lebaron.
This is the type of man that I will demand is my room mate when I get to the point in my life where I have to live in a nursing home. I will never watch a day of TV in my room. I will never do a crossword. I will never play cards. I will simply watch this human being live their life, and I will never be bored.
University of Mississippi - Ole Miss Location: Oxford, Mississippi Mascot: Colonel Reb Why Hate Them: Their coach is crazier than yours. Plus they are this year's media darlings. LSU beating them Nov 21 (assuming both teams are still undefeated) will go a long way towards an SEC Championship. Road Trip Worthiness: It's best not to experience insanity this close up. Your safest bet is to stay seated at home and admire Mr Crazy on the Magic Talking Picture Box.
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